There’s a deep aching sensation where anatomy tells me my heart belongs and the only things that dull that ache are cigarettes and alcohol. I haven’t fallen under water yet but the temptation grows every day and I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting alone to keep my head above the surface.
I want one more weekend in the woods with you. We can ruin the silence and disturb our friends around us as much as we please, you can make me moan and scream for all I care. I just want to feel the afterglow when we’re both naked, wrapped around each other, looking at the stars and talking like all the pain and misery of the last year has been magically washed away. It’s a fleeting feeling but fuck, it is so worth it.
It’s nice to know my work is still holding up two weeks later :) next time… It’s my turn.
"And so I began to pray. I prayed every night for her to get better and nothing changed - so I prayed harder and after a while I realized it wasn’t that I wasn’t praying hard enough… it’s that no one was listening."
I’m tired of feeling ignored by the universe. My escape from reality was wonderful but it’s coming back harder than ever now that my head is out of the clouds. I need time to breathe and accept that they’re gone, forever, but it doesn’t look like that will happen.
View of the Seattle skyline from the Bainbridge Ferry